What advice would you give women at the start of their career that you wish someone had given you?
Pay attention to your network from the start. Wherever your ambitions may take you, your network is often the platform that supports you to achieve them.
It is never too early to start building and nurturing your network. Whenever you establish a genuine connection—whether with a peer or a client—consider how you’ll stay in touch and keep it warm. Too often, strong relationships with clients or intermediaries fade over time, especially in transactional or litigious matters where intense collaboration ends once the deal closes or the case settles. Be intentional about maintaining those connections.
Invariably, if you want to make partnership, you will need to demonstrate that you are going to be able to grow the pie. Very few of us get instructions through cold calling – your instructions come from your network (internal and external). Many lawyers don’t focus on their network until they reach senior associate level and start considering partnership. Reconnecting with a long-lost contact at that stage—after years of no communication—can come across as purely self-serving. If, on the other hand, you've maintained regular contact over the years, seeking to strengthen that relationship, as and when the time comes, feels far more natural and authentic.
Should I be open about my ambitions?
Yes! Too often, as women, we are not forthcoming about our ambitions because we see ambition as, in some way, unseemly or out of fear that we will be seen as overly ambitious or "pushy " (a word that in my experience is only ever applied to women not men). Both in my former role as a law firm partner and now as a coach, I’m aware of situations where talented female associates have assumed that the partnership are aware of their ambitions, only to find that the partnership are not. Those associates often find that their progress is delayed because they haven’t had discussions earlier which would have supported them to be better positioned for partnership.
We also tend to assume that if we work hard and do well, people will notice. No one ever knows what you do as well as you do! Most of us need to be better at articulating and communicating our value. Many of us will have absorbed the advice we were given as children not to show off or ‘toot our own horn’ and, as a result, might be reticent to share our success stories. I used to feel the same. I have succeeded in reframing my take on this. When we share our success stories, it's not showing off, it's merely communicating data, data that people need to know in order to make well informed decisions about whether to promote us or position us for a particular piece of work or give us a bonus!
Having said that, I would also give some thought as to how you share your ambition. You don’t want to come across as obnoxious or having sharp elbows. Consider how you might articulate your ambition in a way that comes across as both assertive and collaborative. For instance, “I really enjoy my job and I’m excited to progress. I’m committed to contributing to the firm’s success—building strong client relationships, supporting colleagues, and helping grow the business – and I’d love to be considered for partnership in due course. What are your thoughts around that?”
How do I deal with imposter syndrome?
The impostor syndrome is fuelled by our internal monologue, the voice inside our head which comments on how we are doing throughout the day. The chances are your internal monologue is not your cheerleader, congratulating you on how well you’re doing! For most of us, particularly for high achieving conscientious lawyers, our internal voice is very judgemental, constantly reminding us of when we have been lacking or could have (should have) done better. Too often we don't engage consciously with the internal monologue in the hope that that will silence the critical voice inside our head. I've tried that option! It doesn't work for me - or for any of the brilliant talented people I've coached. We need to actively engage with our internal monologue and rigorously apply our analytical brain to wrestle it into touch.
There are various ways we can do that. As a starting point I'd suggest the following:
- Firstly, capture in writing every one of your strengths, everything that you're proud of. Get specific – for instance, I’m good at building relationships on a one-to-one basis, I'm a good listener, I’m technically strong. Even where something hasn't gone so well, consider what you might, nonetheless, be proud of in relation to that situation? For instance, perhaps you made a mistake, but you demonstrated resilience and were able to turn that situation around. Don’t rely solely on your self-evaluation. Ask others – colleagues, friends, family – what positive attributes they notice in you.
- To ensure that these positive attributes feel real and evidenced, I suggest you capture an example that illustrates the attribute in the form of a STAR (Situation – Task – Action – Result) story. Having a collection of STAR stories (to illustrate each of the attributes you hold) is a fantastic way to boost your confidence and is a great way to articulate your value at appraisals. (As an aside, as part of your preparation for an appraisal, you might look through the relevant competency framework and identify a STAR story which illustrates each of the competencies. When it comes to sharing the success at the appraisal, switch the order of the STAR story and lead with the Result (bringing in enough of the Action, Situation and Task to whet the appetite). While this results in a rather less appealing acronym ‘RATS’, the RATS model supports you to communicate your successes succinctly and more impactfully.)
- Once you've become really clear about your strengths, I'd invite you to create a document with a line down the middle. On the left-hand side entitled ‘Limited Beliefs/Stories’, list in bullet point form every thought or belief which constrains you in some way, limits you from reaching your potential or dents your confidence. Be specific and precise. If you’re tempted to say, "I'm not confident enough", be more rigorous with yourself. There are lots of things you are confident about (as you will have identified in your list of strengths/ things you're proud of). Ensure that what you articulate in the left column is tightly and accurately defined e.g. I'm not confident when speaking to larger groups.
- On the right-hand side of your document, entitled ‘Facts/Strengths’, capture against each bullet pointed limiting belief/story, a correlative fact or strength that you possess (using your strengths document as inspiration) which helps to counter that limiting belief. This isn’t about putting a positive spin on things. This is you accurately capturing the evidence. For instance, if your limiting belief is that your supervisor thinks your colleague is better than you, the correlative fact might be that your supervisor chose to take you to an important meeting with a new client recently. What the exercise does is to require you to bring a more balanced approach to the internal monologue and bring into sharp focus the strengths that you have to counteract your limiting beliefs.
- You may be left with some limiting beliefs which don't have a correlative strength or fact that dispels them. In those cases, consider what you might do to mitigate the remaining limiting beliefs. For instance, if your limiting belief is that you have insufficient knowledge of the sector you operate in, you might, on the right-hand side of your document, capture the concrete actions you will take to enhance your knowledge.
How can I negotiate for better pay or promotions?
First be clear about the value that you bring. That means demonstrating how you are, from your perspective, meeting/exceeding the competencies expressed for your level using the STAR/RATS storytelling model referred to above. Also highlight the ‘so what’ of the beneficial work you do – i.e., ‘so what benefit does it give the firm’? For instance, if you play a significant pastoral role in supporting junior colleagues, that contributes to their retention, leading to cost savings on recruitment and training while also helping to foster a stronger, more engaged team.
You might have noticed that I used the phrase “from your perspective”. This is deliberate and an effective way of ensuring that your conversation stays collaborative, in contrast to you owning your position as incontrovertible fact. It also supports you to invite your supervisor to share their views in a collaborative way – “What’s your perspective?”
Often we think we are most persuasive in a negotiating context when we are in ‘telling’ mode. Whilst we need to articulate clearly the value that we bring, we want to achieve buy in. One of the most effective ways to do that is to uncover the other person’s perspective by using open questions, such as, “What are your thoughts?” “How might we take this forward?” If you’re getting push back, you might respond along the following lines: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. What, from your perspective, would you need to see in order to warrant a promotion/ pay rise?”
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If you would like to discuss this article further, please contact Yolanda Walker.
